i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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