I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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