Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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