Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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