His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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