if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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