i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's official drugs can't kill me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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