hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to align my fucking chakras
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
