my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
