you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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