Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
