ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
