If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
