I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
