Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
