Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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