Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
