She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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