Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
