dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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