Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
