Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
