just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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