My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
