in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
