One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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