I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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