smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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