I CAN MOONWALK!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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