i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
