my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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