Umm I'm too high to move.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
