at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
