There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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