I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm getting married
To pizza
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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