I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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