I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think your dad took our porno
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
