tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
