I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
