I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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