Who wears a wallet chain?!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
