I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
