And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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