He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Rumble strips road head = magical
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
