How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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