dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
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