Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
