i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
