I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
