So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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