fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
