Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
