I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
