I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
