it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
