If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
