U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
