We got so high we made milksteak
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
