Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
