oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
